MIA

Ok, so, I have been missing in action for a long while now. I have to say I have missed blogging. Maybe because it is just good to feel like I am talking and someone is listening. I have thought of at least a half dozen things to blog about, but just never got around to actually sitting down and typing it all. I do have to say however, I have not been idle. I actually stripped wall paper, washed, primed , and painted the walls of my dining room! My first big project ever... which is a tiny bit sad considering I am 52... Anyway, so far, I love it all.... and am more than mildly proud of me! Something finally feels like me. I do have to give credit to Kimi for pointing me in some color directions. But otherwise, I feel like I am finally trying on my "style". Finally, attempting to find out who I am... There is not too much in my entire house that I have ever picked out myself. All picked for me or handed down to me,or picked because the price was right and it fit the need,which is fine, and many of them I would choose, but not actually me picking what is me. So at 52, I am on a journey to find me. Not someone's daughter, someone's wife, someone's mother... etc.. all of that I am of course, but who IS me? I am telling you, when the things you have known, are used to and been part of are no longer there, you notice things like that. When the kids are gone, and friends move on.... it all comes down to who you are. And you better know yourself. When you realize there is no one calling you for lunch, or inviting you over for dinner, or whatever.... you start to think, maybe something was neglected in your life.... Where are my friendships. I envy those when I see them in others. I don't know how to find them now... but I am going to find out! When everything changes you start to wonder if you really knew who you were. Doubt yourself sort of. At least that has been my experience lately. I have felt utterly alone in a crowd. And I have been surprised by it! So, I am off on a journey. I would be thrilled for you to come with me. Maybe it can prepare you in some way that you will never feel the kind of stuff I have been feeling. Is this some weird midlife crisis.... I don't think so, I think it may be more normal than people talk about, those "empty nest" type feelings. So, off on the journey I/we go.... So, as I said (in song during my special) I am cleaning out some closets, figuratively and literally. Not holding on to stuff I no longer want, or never did want in the first place. Then, I am going to do it all... friends, really painting(art), decorating, find where I belong in ministry(not just filling the spaces but where God really wants me), find me and all the things I like, take comfort in, do well... the me only my Savior knows and can use for His glory..... I don't know me... do you know me?..... if you see me, tell me I am looking.....